They say the truth will set you free, and this I agree with, but how I wish they had warned how much it would hurt. There is a woman who has impacted my life greatly both for Christ and personally but I admit there have been times of her guidance or thoughts that my brain said ummmmm okaaaay, what an imagination you have……yet my love and respect for her grew, because her heart for Jesus is so obvious, and there was inner rest that she is safe and for me.
Time went by and her odd thoughts were not far off at all, in fact there was more truth in them than anything I'd been led to believe by those who should have been honest in my life. God you have some sense of humor when it comes to this untrusting girl, for You have placed this woman and a couple on the other side of the country into my life to help me see truth, find healing in You, then move forward in this amazing purpose You have for me.
Common sense would say uhhh your "family" those you've known a very long time and have been in your life consistently, shouldn't they be whom you trust? Not some people you've known less than a year, or only seen in person on two occasions? Yes that sense of humor Abba has. For these have become family in my eyes, knowing they love me as much as I love them, the choice is easy to journey forward with them in my life.
Yesterday, I learned outside of who I am in Christ, and who I am becoming in these past two years of freedom, I have no clue in the earth realm who I am. All I have been told and led to believe about myself, were lies.
There is no record of my birth and the place legally submitted on the documents I have, is wrong. I was informed in fact it is impossible by a woman who worked for the county and has lived there almost 60 years. The road and the town aren't even in the same county, and at that time there was no hospital within 40 minutes from there, none the less in the town. Stunned and confused don't even capture what I began to feel in that moment, buuuut and I began to stutter, uh what about this town **** how about here, my record show this is where the adoption took place? A few phone calls later she looked up at me, her face showed sadness…."I'm really sorry" she said, "they have no record of you or an adoption, under any of the names and dates you have given me." My face must of shown my thoughts and sudden desire to vomit, as the lady quickly said "don't lose hope lets try one more thing?" whispering ok while praying in my head was all that came to me. "You would of had to have an original birth certificate, with the hospital" she said. The women in the office then began to call the hospitals withing both counties and some surrounding ones, turning up nothing. Believe she was now as emotionally worn as I was, again she apologized and muttered, "that road has been secluded farms forever, odd people, you were possibly born unrecorded by a midwife brought in"…. "there's a diner down the street" she said. "In case you want to eat and collect your thoughts" "you can try contacting the main city, they may know" (she didn't know, that's where all the falsified papers had come from, nor did she need to know)
After eating, I cried and drove home, Lord Jesus help me not overload, give me Your peace, show me what is needed to be seen in all of this………to be continued