My Testimony Updated

Updated Testimony

I’d have to be insane to NOT love, trust and put all of my hope in Jesus, my Savior, Deliverer, Redeemer and dearest Friend.

Words alone could never express my love and gratitude for the grace and mercy shown, in my life, by God my loving Father, who never let go. He already had known I was His.

As I sat praying and wondering how to share with you today, this story of God’s grace, a song began to play and has continued to sweetly run through my heart and mind, because it’s words ring true, in my life, from the very first day.

Here is the chorus of that song:

Mercy Said No

Mercy said no

I’m not gonna let Melissa go

I’m not going to let her slip away

Melissa doesn’t have to be afraid

Mercy said no

Sin will never take control

Life and death stood face to face and

Darkness tried to steal my heart away

But thank you Jesus, that mercy said NO.

Keeping those words in mind:

Climb on the express train of Melissa’s life so far, with me.

Let’s journey back in time and see where in my life His great mercy took hold, and how it continues even today.

As God began to knit me together in an unsure, abused, teenage girl’s womb, my life was not plucked away, Mercy said NO and I’m here today.

A few months later, nameless in a crowded foster home, I fell asleep sicker than anyone knew. Lying there in a coma, Mercy said NO, I have a plan for her, and I am here today.

Through the years that followed, it is because of God alone, His great love, mercy and grace, that I am even alive and sharing with all of you right now.

From abandonment, to only Papa knows how i ended up with the family, receiving a name from my abuser, hearing about God in a church, placing both that first seed and spark in my heart and an unholy fear of God and “Christians”

Followed by abuse of every sick kind, rejection, attempts to silence me, fear, confusion, suicide attempts, group homes, strange testing facilities, running away, homelessness, doing what ever it took for my next meal, rape and alcoholism to numb, then finally turning 18, being sold to an abusive and much older man, not caring thinking it would be freedom, then several times almost dying at his hand.

I believe through all of this, though I didn’t know Him, God definitely knew me. He was my shield and fortress and continued to stir in my heart a desire and need for HIM.

I’d like to say it ended there, but many more years followed with abuse, tremendous loss and so much more, all because I wanted God on my own terms. I just wanted him to hand out justice to those who had hurt me, and in this thinking I had missed something huge.

What about my own sin? the punishment I deserved? Hmmmm I was guilty of doing some pretty awful things too.

It was 2014 that place of true brokenness arrived. My need for Jesus became suddenly and overwhelmingly clear, that only through His grace, believing Jesus died in my place, removing my debt, only in this would I find life.

I needed His mercy and forgiveness and realized through Him alone would I begin to heal, forgive others, learn about love, and in Him find hope and my reason for living.

Is my life perfect today? Uhh nope, but doesn’t change His love for me.

Have I been abused since then? Yep quite recently actually because of this new found love for Jesus�, but He’s even working that out for His glory and my good……(update) I have had real freedom from these people for a full year now and Papa is healing in amazing ways

Here is why my heart joyfully chooses to trust Him each day, no matter what occurs….

He who began a good work in Melissa will be faithful to complete it.

He is the reason, I get out of bed each day with hope, the reason I have breath to share my story, because of His love for me, I can love others no matter what they do to me. He is how I find peace when things seem impossible, I no longer need to feel ashamed, I am redeemed and I am loved!

Because there in NO condemnation for Melissa who is in Christ Jesus, I can now boldly approach the throne of grace with confidence and receive grace and mercy to help in times of need.

Poem Number Unknown

They took a girl, heart so beautiful and smashed her. Someone so young put her to shame.

Threw her before the church, it blamed her, time ticked on, singing a hollow song.

Her heart desired life when her mind screamed for death but

She never quit, kept getting back up, one more day, one more hour, one more breath.

To whom could she run? were there any to trust?

She found herself drowning, swim up for air she must…but how?

 

 

Thank YOU

Lord I’m thankful I can be raw and honest with YOU….and glad for Your kids, my siblings in You and the love continually experienced on my best days and toughest one through them. Lord thank you for the wisdom found in your word for every situation and the many who faithfully pray to you on my behalf when days come that all I can say is Papa it hurts. Thank you, Jesus for staying with me, thank you HS for guiding me in the right ways and to Jesus for my every ounce of strength. I love you Lord Jesus my God and my King, my deliverer and safe refuge, my source of hope and strength, my redeemer and best friend. Lord Jesus I love you

Where is God in the Pain

I wrote this two years ago and am so thankful for how it continues to be true…..Jesus never leaves me! In fact the graduation mentioned, I did attend and the dinner after I sat and ate in the presence of my enemies and God used people who didn’t know me to silence those being mean to me. We have a good good Father indeed…….

“Where is God when we are in pain? This is a question I’m asked almost daily…..Mel you have been through hell, where was God then? Here is my answer…..with me, doing what God does amazingly perfectly….being strong when I can’t, keeping me from losing my mind, strengthening me in Him, preparing me for the road ahead. I was reminded of this today as many things crashed at once including as any hope of seeing my oldest graduate was ripped away, after years of protecting him beyond what most could imagine in their feeble human minds. Yes even in these times I believe He is shaping, protecting and healing my heart. The greater the loss the closer and stronger my bond grows in Jesus and I rest assured, I am held.”

Yes! My Dreams are Still Crazy

So last night my dream was continuous even waking twice during it….I was in a facility for the government working for them and kept getting promoted but kept away from people and I was frustrated. I started questioning practices and inquiring from any fellow worker I saw but no one would answer….then I was brought before the leaders and questioned about my loyalty and why it seemed a change had occurred. Fearful I responded that some things made me curious is all and I was still working hard for them….NO you aren’t was the response, and a log of my Facebook page was brought up on a big screen with posts of bible verses and encouragement to friends and complete strangers….you’ve been doing this awhile one said….we will decide what to do about it and let you know.

Somehow I knew a harsh sentence was about to be handed down and I chose to run, but getting out of that place took days and was very difficult to do yet somehow I got outside and ran…..I came upon some houses and a family let me in, but we heard the soldiers outside that night as I hid in their tub, they showed a picture of me and said we have orders to kill on site, have you seen her?

(I woke up here a bit confused and disturbed but happy just a dream)

Falling back asleep waaait a min nooo I’m in this tub again and I hear the shouting, ugh.

You encouraged us they said and didn’t even know it that’s why we didn’t tell the men you were here, but now you must keep running…..so I did, house after house no clue where I asked for help and to be kept hidden and I was until the last one, they had me well hidden but somehow my dad of all people found out where I was….a hard banging on the door and yelling from outside caught my attention. She’s in there I heard my dad say, and the soldiers banged harder send her out now! They did (and I woke up again)

Looked at my phone only 4am, more sleep Lord please!

But yep you guessed it fell asleep and their I am with soldiers and my dad spewing venom….she is against us, carry out her sentence, but they did not, no clue why but we made the several day journey back to the facility and I was placed on trial. Oddly my attorney presented my sketch book and poems to them in my defense and spoke of how this relationship with Jesus wasn’t hurting anyone, it was slowly changing me and in good ways. Much arguing ensued in the court and at the facility in general, what was happening is all I could think.

Finally somehow I got away and funny enough at 4am found myself ringing my friend Andi’s doorbell (this was odd cause she is an actual friend that lives right near me) she let me in and I woke up….it took me a few to wonder if I’d really gone to her house at 4am lol….but at least my dream had waken me in a place of safety and with a friend….can’t help but be curious if this dream will continue tonight and what the out come was to all the chaos

Fresh Look at Mother’s Day

This time last year I’d of been posting one of three things….how hard yet joyful it is to be a single mom or a tribute to the mom that birthed me and I never met, or something about the son I’ve been separated from……this year is a bit different in several ways….one being I found out seems no one knows where I came from or from whom but I do 😉 since I’m in Christ I belong to Papa and no matter what this world throws at me it can’t take that away…..the second is, I’ve never been a single mom, with Christ in me I haven’t been alone for a moment and HE looks after us with great care, the third is still difficult especially having been lied to yet again, I’m reminded though that God is present and still working for my good because I trust Him.

Unexpected Blessing

I want to say a special thank you to Amy….this picture she colored arrived for me in the mail today…..here is how it came about.

“Hi Melissa, ok… So random question… Ok, so I am in a Prophetic Intercessory Prayer group & we had an assignment where we wld have an art assignment where we were to ask God about who to give that artwork to. & We are to give it to them. The name Melissa came to me. & I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to go to you or not, but then I saw your post about the humming bird & I was like ” Okay it IS for her!!! Thank you, Jesus!!! U will see when I give it to you. It was pretty awesome.”

What Amy didn’t know is it wasn’t just the bird or how God use it to touch my heart and this picture as a reminder so I never forget…..the verse she put on the back of the picture and that is partially shown on the front is the one at the center of focus right now in my OT Biblical Interpretation class…..

“He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?”

‭‭Micah‬ ‭6:8‬ ‭

It made my heart giggle with joy….thank you so much Amy for being brave and reaching out in obedience to God, to a fellow sister in Christ that you didn’t know well….you are such a blessing and I look forward to getting to know you.