On My Heart Today

You’re my amazing good and perfect Papa. There is no one like You and never will be!

You breathe into me and I sing out praise in return, for there is none like You!

You alone oh Lord send a fresh current of love and grace restarting my heart again to spill forth love for others even after my own heart has shattered a million times, there is truly none like you Papa God!

Even when in my flesh I want to defy, praises to You spring forth knowing to whom I belong and whose love ultimately matters. That what I want or desire no longer matters in light of Your great plans for my life. Your purposes for me, alone are all I want walk in as long as breath inside me remains.

Talk with Jesus

I was that little girl who lived in fear wondering if God was real, was he here?

Often laying awake in the dead of night full of hurt and sadness and fright, crying out to the father above show me who you are show me your love.

I want you to see me I long for that day, I could hear him say.

Right now you’ve allowed the pain and abuse to darken your view, let me help you see me, allow me to wash all that dirt away.

You will shine for my glory my daughter, you are, so precious to me, I know who you truly are. I made you I formed you, and loved you from the start.

Now I ask you dear daughter to give me all of your heart.

Another of my Poems

Silence filled the room

As her thoughts began to consume

Each word murmured by her brain

Were tear filled prayers like falling rain

Flowing forth from a broken heart

How will this all end, how did it start?

They planned her whole life out, in depth

yep even before she drew her first breath

Does she get any say, to what happens next?

Somehow I doubt it, that would be out of script

Yet a wrench she’s thrown, into this big ole mess

She’s causing quite a few, a great deal of stress

You see she asked Jesus into her heart

Invited Him in, gave Jesus the lead part

Now she no longer jumps at their command

because she’s hidden in Christ and can now firmly stand

She believes there is nothing to broken or hurt

that Jesus can’t fix, He’ll even clean up the dirt

So in Christ alone, she’s placed all her trust

now to get to her, go through Jesus they must

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!

Bring it to Light

Over the years I have heard these verses and many others used in a manner I believe is out of context…..

“See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.”

‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:15‬ ‭

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:21

Overcoming evil with good doesn’t mean to keep dark things like abuse within the church walls in the dark, in this case the “good thing” would be bringing it into the light…..exposing the dark deeds, protecting and guiding the abused toward healing, ensuring their safety. Also addressing the abuser with the hope of repentance which means a change of heart and turning away from abusing.

These verses don’t mean that justice is wrong, or protecting the weak within your flock is bad, or that confronting and holding accountable the abuser is somehow repaying them with evil, on the contrary it is an act of love desiring heart change for them.

Yep I’m His Even on Bad Days

It’s in that final crushing blow to the spirit that you wonder can I get up again? Am I really meant to be free? Would God, Himself say I’m done with her, you should be too? I don’t know, to be honest right now. I’m use to rejection, one more shouldn’t hurt much, oh but it does. We are meant for friendship, fellowship and loving each other, I know this though I do it quite imperfectly. I’m a challenging human being to say the least, I have something called Dissociative Identity Disorder that stemmed from life long abuse, this doesn’t excuse me or my behavior, only help my erraticies make a little more sense.

Can such a person, be chosen by Papa God? I hope and choose to believe so….in Romans 10:13 we read “All who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved” and in in Romans 10:9 that if we ‘confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised Him from the dead, we will be saved’.

Yes, I believe I belong to Jesus, He’s still mending my broken vessel is all, and helping me trade all the lies poured into me about me and Him and trading them slowly out for the truth

Today’s 2 Cents

People ask where my story ends? I tell em it began with Jesus!

When they ask whom I owe my whole life to, I point to YOU!

Yeah okay Mel get it, good song but…..nah not to me…these words speak my heart. Without Jesus and people HE brought into my life out of love for me, I wouldn’t be here.

Please how ever you look at me don’t think I’m strong, resilient or otherwise. I’m not….in fact when you see the fumble yah see Melissa!

I’ve been abused, sold, programed, sent to the military for great training, and the psych ward to help me think I’m nuts….but no matter what was done, one thing remained….some how the King of heaven not only wanted me, but chose me!

What Matters Most

While mentally going over all the lies I’ve been fed for so long by so many couldn’t help but pray, Lord please show me what truly matters. I don’t know what’s true, who I am, even where I’ve come from or why this was all done to me. I believe that God has had His hand on me from day one, not stopping what they’ve done but keeping me intact and aware of His presence and my need for Jesus. Still the question danced through my head, what matters most? Where do I draw from? what do I hope for? What or who do I trust going forward? Then it barreled forward in my heart…..

“I created you!” ” You are handcrafted, a masterpiece, no one else is like you” “you have specific and special purpose that they can’t taint or take away” “your earthly (caretakers) harmed you but I am your Papa and I have not for one second stopped loving or taking care of you” “trust me, believe my plan is perfect and worth moving forward in, and that I will continue to give you my strength to finish the race set before you.” “Your faltering and miss steps haven’t taken me by surprise or caused me to love you and less, let’s put them behind and get back on track.” “Dear daughter cling to my Son, Jesus trust Him and go to Him only to see the truth of who I’ve made you to be, because the day you called Him savior, was the day I made you alive in Him and dead to all of this world anyway.”